He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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