highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
