We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
