i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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