I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
