Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
