Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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