i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize