I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
