There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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