Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
