I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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