Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize