I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
