Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
