what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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