I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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