oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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