i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
