I faked an abortion last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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