so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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