I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
