I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
