1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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