My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
