I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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