I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
