Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
