Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
