After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
