If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
