Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize