Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
