Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
