Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
