Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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