At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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