Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They are going to name an STD after you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
