I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
