I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
