Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize