I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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