Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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