I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
