Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
