How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am available for nakedness
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
