i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
