She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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