I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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