What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
