I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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