I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
