It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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