The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
