do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
