3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
