I just threw up on my dentist
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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