Dude my mom stole all your condoms
even my farts smell like vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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