Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
