theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
