You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
