Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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