Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize