your parents love me but you hate me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
