so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
