I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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