We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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