Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
