found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
