the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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