PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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