I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
