you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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