What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
