I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
