Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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