So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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