I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
