well I can't set my house on fire every night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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