just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
