I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
