he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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