its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am in a vortex of obligation.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
