what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
