nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize