i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
