I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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