The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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