did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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