I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Houston, we have a blender
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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