I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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