What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
