You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize