There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
