I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
