We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
